You've probably heard of love languages, but do you actually know yours? More importantly, do you know your partner's?
Understanding love languages can transform how you communicate affection and feel loved in return. It's one of those ideas that sounds simple but changes everything.
What Are Love Languages?
The concept of love languages was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book The 5 Love Languages. The idea is simple: people express and receive love in different ways, and mismatches can lead to feeling unloved even when your partner is trying their best.
“The problem isn't effort. It's that you're speaking different languages.”
The 5 Love Languages
1. Words of Affirmation
If this is your love language, you feel most loved when your partner expresses affection verbally. Compliments, "I love you," encouraging words, and heartfelt texts mean the world to you.
How to show it: Leave surprise notes, send thoughtful texts during the day, or verbally appreciate something specific your partner did.
2. Acts of Service
Actions speak louder than words for you. When your partner does something helpful — cooking dinner, running an errand, or handling a task you've been dreading — you feel deeply loved.
How to show it: Do something for your partner without being asked. Take care of a chore they dislike, or handle something on their to-do list.
3. Receiving Gifts
This isn't about materialism — it's about the thought behind the gift. A small, thoughtful present shows that your partner was thinking about you.
How to show it: It doesn't have to be expensive. A picked flower, their favorite snack, or a small item that reminds you of them.
4. Quality Time
Undivided attention is what matters most to you. Being together, fully present, with no distractions — that's when you feel most connected.
How to show it: Put your phone away during dinner. Plan regular date nights. Play a game together (even virtually).
5. Physical Touch
Holding hands, hugs, kisses, and physical closeness make you feel loved and secure. For long-distance couples, this one can be the hardest.
How to show it: When together, prioritize physical closeness. When apart, send voice notes, video call, and use apps that create a sense of presence.
Why Love Languages Matter
The most common relationship complaint is "I don't feel loved" — even when both partners are genuinely trying.
Often, the problem isn't effort; it's that you're speaking different love languages.
If your love language is Quality Time but your partner keeps buying you gifts, you might not feel the love they're trying to show. And vice versa.
“Once you understand each other's language, everything shifts.”
How to Discover Your Love Language
Reflect on complaints: What do you most often ask for? More time? More words? That's a clue.
Think about what hurts most: The opposite of your love language is usually what hurts you most when it's missing.
Take a quiz together: Togethera's Love Languages feature walks you and your partner through discovering your languages together.
Using Love Languages in Togethera
Togethera has a built-in Love Languages feature where both partners take a short quiz and discover their primary and secondary love languages.
The app then gives you personalized suggestions — small acts you can do daily that speak directly to your partner's heart.
It also tracks "love acts" so you can see how you've been showing love over time.
The takeaway: Understanding each other's love language isn't about being perfect. It's about being intentional. Small shifts, done consistently, make all the difference.
Discover your love language — download Togethera on iOS or Android and take the quiz with your partner today.